So I am…

Who am I?  I ask myself this question all the time…as do millions of other people everyday.  Over the years, I have read and studied many philosophers who discuss this exact subject, but one of them I really resonate with.  His name is Deepak Chopra and right now, with the assistance of Oprah Winfrey, he is doing a 21-day meditation cycle which I think you might enjoy.

For those of you who do not have the 20 minutes everyday to meditate with Deepak…please read on.  The first session discussed us being able to define ourselves.  This is a popular topic of Deepak’s, one I especially like and one which I believe to be so important!  I remember one time, during one of his speeches, he admitted out loud how he had accepted the fact that he would never win the Wimbledon tennis tournament and invited most of his audience to do the same.

So, last night, I performed this meditation, during which I closed my eyes and listened to the calming music as I considered, “Who am I?”  The answer I was meant to say to myself over and over again was “So I am…” and complete the sentence.  And that’s where you come in!  I realized that “So I am someone who needs to spread to the world how easy it can be to be free!”  Free? you may be asking out loud.  Aren’t we all already free?  My answer is “NO WAY!”

I see people everyday…my friends, colleagues, neighbors, co-workers…who I witness fighting that internal battle of just being “Ok” with who they are.  I witness how people keep trying to be something or someone that they are not.  They don’t understand that “What they want…” they can actually have!  To be free of what others think of them, their reaction to how their society accepts or rejects them.  To be free of that oppression they put on themselves as they try to fit themselves into a mold that they just can’t fit into!  (Like a square peg in a round hole.)

And I see how unfair it is to see how so many people also do the same thing to their children and spouses and relatives.  Instead of even just trying to allow the rest of the world to be how it is, they impose their own crazy standards onto other people.

Yes, I did something which many describe as being brave and “ballsy” when i walked away from my life and career and identity which I had created for myself in New York City almost 7 years ago.  (Of course, at the time I had not defined what I was doing as “walking away,” but rather as my just taking a break from life to just go diving for a bit…it helped to quiet the voices in my head.)  It seemed to be a very rational decision at the time.

But sooooo many of my friends, who I left behind…stayed behind…or eventually dropped off over the next few years.  Many of those friends, who I had hoped would embrace my own personal voyage into the unknown world I traveled to (you know where there was no longer any need to wear a suit and a pair of heels every morning to travel to work, where a pair of cutoffs and a tank top was sufficient as my uniform to wear to work or a bathing suit on days when I spent the day out on the boat diving) and where self-definition and exploration were allowed.  I had hoped that some of these friends, who I may have even read in them a need to do the same thing I was doing, would at least visit me and see how amazing this new life I had discovered for myself had changed me and humbled me and made me see the world through a different perspective.  But I think a few of them allowed their emotions of resentment about the life I had chosen for myself to cloud their opinion of me (I’m really sorry  about that…that had not been my intention) and our friendships have fizzled out.

But now, 7 years later (actually since about 6 years ago), I began to write in my blog.  As technology has improved and shown me more and more ways to spread my blog, I have been touching and gathering more followers.  People who can resonate with my message as I talk about that voyage of traveling to that unknown place (and I’m not talking about Mexico!), I’m talking about that place where you have totally defined who you are and what your desires are…a place where you are not “held back” by what others think of you or what you think of yourself as you currently spend so much time and energy comparing yourself to those living and existing in your “world.”

Who cares when “they” were married or at what age they met or how long they’ve owned “that” car or had “that” job!  Who gives a shit?!?!  Are you happy?  Do you feel good about where you are in your life…in your “world”?  Are you satisfied with your own personal plights and how or when you have met your own personal objectives?  If the answer is “YES!”, then congratulations and please, carry on.  But if your answer is “NO!”, then sweetheart, you need to be making some changes.  And not necessarily to where you live or work, but rather to yourself.  Allow yourself to accept the person you are today!  Accept where you’ve been and that without “yourself” and all that make you up, you would never have gotten to where you are (good or bad).  Recognize your accomplishments!  Understand that your life is what you have made of it…placed you exactly where you are because you allowed it to happen…based on the decisions you have made for yourself.  No regrets…don’t feel bad for where your life has taken you, instead rejoice at how far you have come and continue to see yourself for who you are…and love yourself for it. No one else in the world could possibly turn out like you because we all come from different places…don’t care what others are doing…just continue your own voyage to wherever it is that you are going!

So, bon voyage my friend!  Enjoy your voyage and I will see you on the other side…


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