I want to learn to love so that I’m not afraid to lose it anymore. I come from a world that taught me that if you show love then you are showing vulnerability…weakness. A world of warriors who were always afraid to feel for fear of being taken advantage of. But yet I still found myself falling in, what I had always believed to be, love…over and over again. It was when I felt most fulfilled…when I felt as though I was part of someone else’s life and existence, that made me feel like my life was complete.
But then I realized how so many of my relationships would hit a stagnant point…me not wanting to expose myself more while my partner maybe didn’t know in what direction our relationship was going. Asking: What type of girl were they with? Were they with a casual girlfriend who was fine just dating on Saturdays or did I ever want more from them or the relationship we shared? Or me asking myself: Why didn’t I ever ask for more? Why have I always been so bad at receiving while always having been so generous with myself and my life and my heart?
I’ve always put my all into every relationship I’ve ever been in. So was it just because then I was afraid that I might scare men off? That they would interpret my actions as me being a “needy” girlfriend instead of my just wanting to show them that I had wanted to just spend time with them? To enjoy their presence in my world…their conversation and perspective on my life? And was me being “needy” not fitting into the “type” of girlfriend I had wanted to be at that time anyway?
But what type of girlfriend had I meant to be…or what type of significant other do I aspire myself to be now? They must be two different women, right? I’ve always been a pretty passionate person who is extremely devoted to the object of my affection, whoever he may be. We all have a space in our lives that’s empty…whether it be Saturday evenings or the right side of our bed…but can we all agree that not just anyone can fill that space in our lives? That first we need to find someone we consider to be our missing piece…our connection…our companion…a best friend. Because I can tell you that I’d rather stay home alone than spend an evening with someone who I feel no connection to mentally, physically or emotionally. But once I find that connection, then everything else should just flow, right?
Girls, how many of you sit home waiting for the man in your life to call? Thinking…“Well if he wanted to see me, then he would call, right?”
Gentlemen, how many of you are guilty of the same thing? Thinking…“Well, if she wanted to hang out or see me, then she would call or text me, right?” Now tell me, how many times does this lead to resentment and regret? How about, you take that plunge…reach out to that person…take the upper hand, tell them “Hey!” Because I’m thinking that if you’ve made room in your day/life/maybe even heart for them…then chances are they’ve done the same for you and when they receive your message…they will feel amazing! Sure, maybe they’ll choose to run another lap before responding so they can decide how they will start the conversation…but no matter what…You’ve just brought a smile to their face.
Why? Because you’ve shown them that you are thinking of them…and probably thinking of them fondly…and that just made their day! They’ve put down whatever it was that they were doing before to receive your text/call and you have definitely made them smile because they have felt appreciated.
And what do you think the best response is that you could receive back from such a text? “I was just thinking about you…” Now you’re smiling too, right?
So don’t be shy…don’t let that person go! Don’t allow them to think for one second that they are not the object of your affection…tell them how you feel…and you never know…you might just find yourself in a place where there is no turning back from. And while I hate to use the old expression,
“It’s better to love and to lose than to never love at all.”
it’s really so true. And so I’ll now circle back to my own introductory statement: “I want to learn to love so that I’m not afraid to lose it anymore.” I guess that’s what I’m saying, a love affair is like a journey that we should not be afraid to take, a dive we should not be a afraid to make, a leap we should not be afraid to leap! Because the person we become on the other side will be so far superior to the person we are today…being afraid to text a man/woman for fear that he/she might see your vulnerability…when the only way to progress down this path is to first strip yourself of all your armor and lay yourself bare in front of that person with whom you want to share your life. Because without being able to do that, you may as well get used to the right side of the bed being empty.