Does anyone ever avoid a conversation with someone because you know it’s just not going to end well for them?  Do you ever put it off…saying to yourself that this is really a conversation that should be done in person so it’s ok if you haven’t had the “talk” yet…but then so much time passes, life happens and suddenly it seems as though the right time has passed and there is no longer reason to have the conversation…even though you must confess that is not the case.

feelingsThey say that if some of these talks don’t happen right away the only thing that results is resentment…while if the conversation happens before too much time has passed the only thing that might occur is a bit of discomfort.

Well, I waited too long to have that talk…and the only thing that resulted was that I hurt someone who deserved so much more from me.  I just did not know the right words…how to start the conversation without harming their feelings…not wanting to “rock the boat” and just allowing time to pass.  But that time passing was not “saying” for me what I should have been saying out loud.  Instead, it was just building the anticipation until now the “cat is out of the bag” (as they say) and now it no longer matters.

I feel terrible and this is exactly what I had never wanted to happen…thinking for weeks what the best way to approach the conversation and how to express how I was really feeling.  But, life happened and time passed…and this person, someone who I will always care about…now feels as though I left him in the dark…intentionally.  When that was never my plan…I would NEVER want to hurt him or anyone else for the reason of not being able to communicate my feelings in words, out loud.

And now I guess I have to live with the consequences of my in-action…for having said or done nothing.

In the past, I’ve had to have difficult conversations with people…letting them know that something they’ve said or done has hurt me or gotten me upset…but in those cases I was willing to risk our friendship as a result of those conversations.  And having lost so many friends due to those conversations (while still salvaging a relationship with some), I am now older and wiser to my possibly using the wrong words with someone who may misinterpret them.  Essentially causing an end to a relationship I now no longer wish to do.

9a831261036a8929a1177d8250a48debI guess when I was younger I was more willing to take the risk because I was inexperienced and maybe unaware that the risk even existed.  Maybe back then I thought less about the possible consequences to my actions and now that’s no longer the case.  At this point, I’ve seen so many misperceptions resulting in the ending of friendships that I am afraid that my mouth will get me into trouble…as it has so many times before.

Another thing I keep hearing is that sometimes Silence is also an answer.  I guess in this situation…that is not true and I should have known that.


3 thoughts on “Confessions…

Add yours

  1. Hey Catherine! This was a really good post and one to which I think many people would relate. I think it’s sometimes about the other person – in my experience there are people who are seemingly impossible to open up to, because they are so defensive (most probably as a result of their own past hurt). I think sometimes it’s best just to be patient and kind. After all, can kindness ever be the wrong approach?

    But I take your point about ‘getting it off your chest’ – that’s important too, but is sometimes best done with a close friend or counsellor.

    I’m no expert, just some thoughts!


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