I speak through the perspective of a post-40 year old woman who is not married and has no children. So many of my readers, who may be married/divorced and with children may not resonate with this blog. But let’s discuss what happens once we turn 40…
Personally, I graduated from college before computers and cell phones were common place. I remember having to spend days in libraries doing research for papers that I know students just google and practically plagiarize from home now…without gaining much of a general comprehension of what it is that they are writing about. They may have access to better knowledge, but I can tell you that it does not take them the “days” it used to take me.
I also worked part time, sometimes at three different jobs simultaneously while attending college classes. I was always good with time management, but I guess because I had to be at that time. Maybe students today are not forced to accomplish the same thing, but I can tell you that my life has always required quite a bit of energy in order for me to be able to accomplish what I did when I had to.
Now I’m in the “home stretch” of my career…hoping to be able to retire in the next 20 years and I certainly don’t have access to the types of jobs I had while I was in my 20’s because I now live in a foreign country. But I do make ends meet while I still perform the tasks needed for me to once again have three jobs. Two of them could be considered to be full-time, but I choose to manage my hours so that I am able to have both jobs at the same time, leaving room for me to be able to have both of them.
But is that it? NO!!
Yes, as I said, many people my age have families, maybe children that range in age from new born’s to 20-year olds. These children require much of the time in their days that I am able to devote to any of my jobs in addition to their husbands, homes, pets, etc. But what I do have, which I believe some others my age may share, is a perspective on how life has changed.
I do frequently feel as though I’ve been there and done that and have the t-shirt to prove it. But I do know that there are still a few places and experiences I’ve still wanted to check off my bucket list. I also know that many of the things I’d still like to do I feel as though I want to share them with a loved one.
My biggest goal, my whole life, is to buy a house for myself. Obviously most of that requires that I have the money to put down in order for me to make that purchase, which I will admit I still don’t have. But I still feel as though I still would like to share that experience with someone. I thought that I had that for a bit, but we just didn’t have the money so it was just not the right time for it, according to the universe.
I have never really thought about this expression as applying to me until recently. The expression is, “While I’ve always been lucky with work, I’ve never had luck with love.” And while I’ve always had “someone” in my life, I’ve just never felt as though it was the person I might imagine myself “building a home” with. And I’m not saying that the man I’m with might not someday be “that guy” to build a home with, it’s just too soon for me to know.
But I think that by 42, I’ve realized what I’m looking for. I am no longer looking for someone who I might enjoy meeting for a drink once a week…or someone who is great in bed…or a father for my unborn children…now knowing that is not part of my future. Now it’s time for me to be selfish and to think only about what it is that “turns” me on. And I have to tell you that if the man I’m with is unable to keep a stimulating conversation going, please jog on, brother!
But if I know that the man that I’m with can keep my brain synapses firing, then that is an investment I’d be willing to make! I can imagine “building a home”…or even a “life” with someone like that. Life is what it is…people are people…regardless of where they are from or what language they speak. I was always good at reading people, and have never needed technology to help me with that. I did not come to Mexico to discover a new brand of people, I came here to find what it was that was “missing” from my life in NYC…but I did not discover a new brand of people. Instead, I grew up and realized that my needs are much simpler than they used to be. I am able to concentrate on what matters and I’m not afraid to dismiss that which does not satisfy my needs…while being able to accept “life” in order to get it.
So life after 40 is, for me anyway, ismuch clearer than it used to be. And I still have a bit of growing up to do…having been spoiled with access to certain things while still in NYC…I do still need to work on my patience and the understanding that things don’t happen overnight or as quickly as I think I’ve always wanted them to be. But as I’ve learned what it is in life that I really want, I need to stop thinking about dismissing things and people based on irrelevant facts while I am waiting for certain things to occur. I now know that it’s worth it to wait for certain things in life…because after all the best things come to those who are willing to wait for them.