I feel like, for the first time in my life, I can “hear” all of the things I’ve been reading and saying to people for years! I could literally paste one quote here, one after another as an example for you to read, or I can just tell you what I mean…
How many times have each of you imagined a bad relationship situation…maybe even feared that your relationship was headed down that dark road…but swore it would never happen to you. Having seen so many women go through where that relationship takes them, you swear that will never be you…until you realize that maybe it is?!?! I have sworn I would never be taken advantage of…never be taken for granted…imagining that would only make me feel like a victim…which I could never be!
Until I think about what the definition is. How “not always being available” for a guy isn’t perceived correctly if you are literally always available for him…to stop by, dinner at midnight, kisses in the morning…to fly off to Florida with him on business. I mean, come on, where are you going to draw that line and say…STOP!! Because suddenly your emotions and feelings are no longer available. You lose respect for the man who you have realized really has taken advantage of your time, your space, your privacy…and now you realize that he has also taken advantage of the fact that you have fallen for him.
Uh-oh…now what? How many of you can just walk away from that toxic situation without feeling bad about it?
Let me explain something to you really well…I can!
I have always been tough…coming from a tough city where there were a LOT of people who were only out for themselves. I watched people turn against their friends, family, children…and I swore two things. 1…that would NEVER be me. 2…that maybe I can find a place out there where that doesn’t happen. I mean not every place in the world is as tough as NYC in the 1980’s-90’s. So instead of being tough and cruel and mean to everyone I meet, I need to give them the benefit of the doubt and imagine that there is something good about them. Something worth respecting and caring about…something worth sticking around for.
And you find something…and you don’t care about what you’ve sacrificed to stick around for…feeling as though you’ve given up so much just based on that thing that he just does right…regardless of his negative social skills and inconsiderateness towards his relationship with you…
Until suddenly it’s staring at you in the mirror…you see it all over your own face…you have once again fallen for that wrong guy for you…who just does great things for others!
And then you’re done…that’s the 180 degrees I just took and as hard as it is for me to turn my back on someone who I had grown so fond of…I know that I’m just saving myself from months (and maybe years) of heartache and loneliness.
Sayonara, buddy! It’s been real!