I used to laugh when I would hear women say how they wanted to wait for love before sex.  Actually, I don’t even think we were “women” yet.  I never equated the one with the other.  I know…it’s terrible.  But let’s be honest…when you are in the middle of the throws of an orgasm…does it really matter what the person looks like who brought you there?  Man or woman?  No!  You just hope that the name you are screaming out loud is the same person…or else it’s the last time they will ever bring you anywhere.

I remember the man I was with when I was like 21, telling me how I was ruined because I had finally climaxed.  (It had taken over 5 years to get me there!)  And he was right…I was ruined.  If I didn’t climax after that, it made no difference how hot the man was…or what color his boxer shorts were…or where we had gone to dinner.  If I didn’t climax, please do us both a favor and don’t come back.

There was even a time when I had very “loose” relationships with several men at the same time (who I didn’t seem for several weeks at a time…so it wasn’t “cheating”) but we both knew that there was only one reason why we were together…and it made no difference who had better table manners or what type of wine we drank.  Do I feel bad that I was like that?  Not really…it was the same for both of us.  We were not “using” each other for sex…it was just what brought us together…time and again.

love,doodles,drawing,heart,lost,broken-12c32974d563b9fc95c1d659812e0c38_h_largeBut then maybe the worst thing actually happened to me!  (Like when I climaxed and could never live without it…) I actually did fall in love.  The relationship was one of the those “forever” relationships that just didn’t last forever because “life” got in the way.  I thought it would be as easy to get over this one as it had been for me to “get over” the others.  Except this was not the kind of relationship I am meant to get over.  It is the kind of relationship and experience that I am meant to be so lucky to have had in my life at least once.  Now I am meant to carry it with me for the rest of my life.  And I am meant to know that no one will probably ever measure up to it again.

heartstringsAnd that is ok…because after all, it is human nature to be cold-hearted…it is human nature to protect ourselves from getting hurt.  SO when you find yourself being cold-hearted to someone, remember that it is probably just because either you don’t know how to love…or because you have already loved and lost and know that the person you are with just doesn’t measure up.  So the only thing left to say to them is that you don’t make breakfast, it was great to meet them…and please know that when that angry beast inside you  starts acting up again, you will be in touch…but not for much more than that.  The person who was your true love…your soul mate…has already passed.  You know it…and it’s good that they know it as well.


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