How many of you still get butterflies in your stomach? Can I bottle that feeling? You may ask…which feeling is that?
Yes, there are butterflies you get in your stomach as you wait to find out if you are accepted into a school…if you got that new job. I would imagine it must also be how you feel as you wait for a child to be born. But that is not the type of feeling I am talking about.
My life may soon include a big change. I am VERY excited about that. Yes, it puts anxiety in my stomach…the anxiety to see if everything will work out…the new job, apartment, friends, etc. But again, that is not the kind of feeling I mean. And what I do mean is crazy. It is all chemical and mental and you just can’t wipe that smirk off of your face.
It is that warm feeling you get inside when you are expecting a man to walk into your life. It erases everything else. The issues you are having with your job…the bill you have to pay…the debts you have and the responsibilities coupled with their anxieties. Nothing else matters except how that man makes you feel…inside where no one else can see. The goosebumps you develop and the nervousness inside to make sure that you look as good as you feel. And then the moment happens, you see this man look at you and you know that those butterflies were worth it because suddenly you feel as though you are on top of the world. Nothing can touch you…you feel completely loved and adored…something that causes that feeling like you are sliding down a hill of sand and no one can catch you.
Do you ever get that feeling?
That feeling fills me up. It stops me from looking at what hasn’t happened yet…questioning whether or not I am making the right decision in life. It is a feeling that should be able to pay the bills and solve all other problems because it is what we are all yearning for in life. Is it meant to last forever? It should, but it can’t. It is how a child feels when he gets his first favorite toy. He thinks that toy will be the end all of what life he knows about. Thinking that now that he has that toy, then he would never want anything more.
Except there has to be more. Life can not stop just when you feel as though you have butterflies in your stomach. As great as that feeling is…it is not what we live off of. It is not enough to fill our lives. It is a feeling that must adapt and stretch as life goes on…because life has to go on. It has to in order for us to survive. That feeling is just a moment in time that can not last forever. If we are lucky we are able to feel it at least once. And for those of us who are unable to understand what “feelings” come next, it may happen in life more than once.
And it is so addictive. That feeling one must feel just after the floor drops out from under them. And yes, if you can not find a life that can be coupled with that feeling, then you better know how to bottle it, because it becomes what we live for. That feeling we get during the honeymoon stage of a relationship. But that stage must end…there has to be more. We need to understand how we can continue to feel that forever with someone…as we grow older, slower, less adrenaline and unknowns. We have to hold onto that feeling because that is what is so addictive for us in a relationship.
No one wants ordinary…no one wants the same thing everyday for the rest of their life. We all want to NOT know what is coming next. We want to NOT know what awaits us in our future. We don’t want the ordinary…we want the EXTRAORDINARY! We want to be surprised by the universe as it throws people in and out…and sometimes back into our lives. We want that feeling to return, to knock us off our feet again…because we need confusion and the unknown. We want to live our lives by the seat of our pants! We want something to write about when we are asked to write our story.
We want butterflies in our stomachs…always!