The Winner’s Circle…

Everyone is always rushing to get some where…to grow up…to be married…to have a family…to their next vacation destination…always some place in the future.  In addition, everyone is always trying to be better than the next guy.  We have all heard the expression…”Trying to keep up with the Jones’.”  But why?  What is your reward?

Do you get any place better by having a slightly nicer car than your neighbor?  Probably not.  And while you are trying to beat out your neighbor by buying the more expensive car, did you think that maybe they have chosen to put braces on their child over upgrading to a better car?  Or that dream vacation to Paris they’ve always wanted?

At the end, I hate to break it to you…we all end up in the same place.  (And it does not look like the winner’s circle at the Kentucky Derby!)  The real question, though, is what to do between now and then.  How well we can take care of ourselves in order to improve the quality of our lives…how easily we can cut out the toxins that suck us dry (both people and things)…how well we are able to take advantage of the opportunities that fall in our paths.  That is the question.

My heart aches for those of us who are forced to sacrifice something for someone else.  So many couples stay together until the children are off to college…not wanting to break up the family for selfish reasons.  Personally, I don’t know how I would decide if I ever found myself in those shoes…but I saw the sacrifices my mother made to make sure that never happened to our family.  Something I have only recently begun to forgive her for.  I believe I would have been as much of a warrior as I am today had I grown up in a single parent household.  (But, as I said, I don’t know how I would have decided had I been in those shoes.)

I always feel as though I am climbing in life.  Not necessarily up a ladder…just in general.  As though all of the actions I perform require effort and difficult decisions or sacrifices.  I guess anytime there are people in your life, it is difficult to make a decision while keeping everyone happy at the same time.  Often times someone has to give something up…we just hope that they are understanding when making that sacrifice.

I think that financial independence has always been my goal.  I’ve always been such a worker bee…always needing to earn as much as I physically can.  I’ve never been good with free time, so I try to fill my free time with 2nd (or 3rd…even sometimes 4) jobs.  I have always enjoyed my jobs and like my ability to change masks between shifts.  I have always enjoyed the different types of people I have had in my life depending on the specific job…doctors, lawyers, restaurant/bar owners as well as my co-workers.

I used to think that I should write a book just based on the different types of characters I’ve had in my life…but was always afraid someone would read it and think it was about them…when maybe it actually wasn’t.  Ha!

videoblocks-boat-sailing-the-caribbean-sea_bsjdpvxpl_thumbnail-full01So what does our Winner’s Circle actually look like?  I guess for some, it is to have their children grow up into healthy and responsible adults…maybe to even someday have grandchildren.  For others it might be for them to travel to all the places in the world that have piqued their curiosity…since not all of us have been gifted with children.

I swear that with every relationship I am in, it just makes me more jaded…untrustworthy of the next man.  I feel bad about that and keep swearing that I will never date again…until I do.  I keep telling myself that I would be so much better off if I just concentrated on what was important to me now…staying disciplined, not smoking, staying in shape, organized about my immediate goals in life.  And once I have tackled and won my next obstacle, then maybe I can see where that leaves me with hating men.

And I don’t “hate” them…I just hate what they do to me…how I allow them to distract me…how easily I am able to fall off my game and forget about my goals in life.  Now at 42, most of those goals are no longer achievable, but I still have others that can still be reached…before I end up in my own Winner’s Circle.

terminalI think about what I would do should I be diagnosed with a terminal illness…what would I do?  Would I tell the people in my life?  Or just sail off into a sunset to spend my remaining days on a sail boat in the Caribbean or the Mediterranean before I took my final curtain.  And just pin a note to myself for anyone who finds me to cremate me and wash my ashes out to sea.

I think about the people I wouldn’t mind sharing that time with…though would hate to be treated like an invalid…so maybe I would just foot the bill and take a few guests without telling them the “why” for this final journey.

I have always thought that a marriage of sorts would have happened in my life…but then I stopped having a reason to get married.  (For children, for a family, I would have done it…but since that is now beyond me, I guess I don’t have that reason anymore.)  And yes, at 42, I should not yet be thinking about where or when my Winner’s Circle may be.  Instead, I am just envisioning my next hurtle and obstacle and all that it comes with and wonder how I am able to be as energized as I always seem to be when I come up with these crazy tasks in my life.  The sacrifices I know it will include as well as the disappointments for those who can not join me and who I will be forced to leave behind.

But such is life, right?  People are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  Isn’t that what that poem says?  We roll through life and we give to and take from what we can from those we meet along the way.  We learn lessons everyday and hope that we are better off for them.  (Though I did just blame my last guy for being why I will NEVER date again…instead I just hope that the lessons I learned from him will eventually just leave me smarter than I obviously was when he and I met.)

half-full-and-empty-157672090-57a8f6553df78cf45952581aI hope to be able to start seeing the glass as being half full again…instead of the half-empty I’ve been feeling as of late.  I hope to be able to embrace my next goal…as opposed to seeing it as a burdensome obstacle standing in my way.  I know that my positiveness will prevail, as it always does.  I am just taking these few days to reflect on life…where I have been, where I am and where I am going.  Knowing that I am where I am because I put myself here and I will be where I am going because I am able to make my way there.

screen-shot-2018-03-19-at-12-32-41While this blog was based on the Winner’s Circle and where we would end up.  What it should have been called was something having to do with how the world is always spinning at our own pace and how life has got to continue to go on…as we keep spinning through the experiences we put into our lives…past the people we meet…until we arrive at our own Winner’s Circle.



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