Trust me, I am aware that anyone reading this, no matter where in the world you are, is going through this horrible pandemic and have been for the better part of the past 2 months. But I am NOT here to talk about the horrors of this pandemic or how it has immensely affected the world we live in. I get it!
Instead, I am going to get more personal. I make a habit of looking at every experience I have to have a meaning…a lesson behind it. Truly and always believing that everything happens for a reason, it is my job in life to make sure that I understand it. My life has not always been easy…I’ve had to hustle during more than one stage in my life, even as late in life as my early 40’s…shit still happened that kicked me off my horse and forced me to climb back on. Such was life! No complaints!
Now we continue to remain quarantined from the world…maybe going through different emotions every day. Things began at the extreme. We were all grounded or on house- arrest, as I kept saying with a laugh. We would stand on line for super mkts that were empty of inventory, freezing proteins in fear that we would go hungry one day. Panicking that there may be a day when we wouldn’t be able to get any food for dinner. Insane thought really since we do live in NYC where we do have a choice of many restaurants who are willing to deliver dinner via Grub Hub at any time of day.
My thing was just the lack of personal contact. Yes, my man and I saw each other every day…no complaints there…we have yet to run out of things to talk about. We had grown used to him traveling for work as he had grown used to being in and out of town…traveling the world while earning his way,,,then looking forward to coming home to me and our life. But now it is a very different reality. While I work from home, so I’m as busy every day as I’ve always been (except without having to physically commute to my office), it is different to be able to have lunch at home with my love…many of which he would prepare for me, something he has enjoyed immensely. (We have decided he should have been a chef in life!) So I guess while living in this vacuum, we are good!
But it is more than that. I had begun to look in the mirror everyday and question whether or not this is a punishment of some kind. Did I personally do something wrong that has lead the entire world to have to discover new ways to earn money or to exist in relationships that are now based on new terms, terms that they had not necessarily signed up for? I say this while enjoying a brand new apartment in Harlem with someone who has proven his worth in my life as I have proven mine in his many times over.
We feel terrible for those who are suffering outside our walls…those who may have been dependent on an income that no longer exists. The single mothers who were waitresses or bartenders and who had their favorite customers whose tips helped her put food on the table. We witness our economy breaking down and imagine, fearfully, that the world is going to react negatively in some way. I also look at this beautiful man I’ve chosen to share my life with and thank the Universe for having brought him into my life at the perfect time. Then I worry about how unlucky some people are in relationships. I think about couples who maybe used to exist on the brink of abuse…one or the other not being truly satisfied or happy with the person they are with. I wonder how they are getting along…having to wake up every morning next to this individual, being reminded that they have no place to go…we all gotta stay home and stay safe, right? Maybe there is no money coming in or only one of them is working and how dependent the other one becomes while existing in this delusional relationship. I worry about these people…as we plan slumber parties and movies every night…candle light dinners cooked in our new kitchen as we continue to thank the Universe for things having occurred at the perfect time for us in the past year…as we stroll out each night to our neighborhood creamery for ice creams cones, eaten on a park bench. Can you believe I’ve become the girl who is able to enjoy an ice cream cone???
Then I worry about children. Again, thinking of those who live on the brink of abuse, how about children who only have school as their sanctuary away from their abusive parents? Who is looking out for them? Social Services can barely do their job in protecting children in abusive homes when they are capable of visiting them each week. Who is looking out for these children when no one is working??? I am grateful every day to be working for a large financial law firm who has not only guaranteed us a job but who continues to be busy during this crazy economic time! But wouldn’t I prefer to be making more of an impact on humanity…being the guy who still visited their clients at home to ensure that the abuse has not begun? That there is still a safe haven out there for these poor, undeserving citizens of our humanity who did not ask to be put into their current situation???
Should we not be enjoying our ice cream cones and peace of mind because we know that there are so many people out there who are suffering? Should I be researching how to make a deeper impact on humanity…between shifts working for my law firm that could be our only income for anther month??? How do we help those who have not gotten out of those relationships that have now been put to the ultimate extreme…those who are suffering the worst during this crazy pandemic? Do we just continue to live our lives, in love and happy, and hope that those around us can use us as an example as they rebuild their normal?
Life is not fair…I’ve said it about my life numerous times! I get it! Now that I’m living outside that fog that clouded my judgment for so many years, am I allowed to just be grateful to be here with no guilt?
Instead, I go back to asking the Universe what is the next lesson we are meant to learn now because we’ve learned this one just fine! It is now time to get back on our horses and move on!