Now let’s talk about me…what can I say? I have really flourished since my last post here, which must have been in the last year, when I was once again becoming comfortable in my own skin. I was suddenly seeing myself and my life as what it had become since my last relationship…that maybe lasted longer than it should have. But looking at what happened because of it, I’m not sad about having stuck with it for as long as I did. I see that had my relationship ended when I left Cozumel, maybe I would have returned to my old life in NYC, as opposed to trying for a new, different type of life here in Puebla, where I am now.
Had I done that, there are so many people I would have never met! There is a language I would never have become as comfortable with as I am today. There is an entire culture here that I had only heard about before. And while it can never be mine, because I am from some place else, I have still been able to find my “place” within it. I see how different types of people react to me. And once we’re past the first, most obvious question everyone seems to have for me, “What are you doing here?”…they can see my appreciation for my life here…how much I adore the passion of the people around me. How much I adore the FOOD …oh, my GOD! I am a HUGE fan of the tastes that only Mexico can produce for me.
In addition to that, I think that the people here appreciate the respect I have for their culture and their traditions. And I am so grateful to all the things that I’ve been allowed to participate in and witness! When I begin to speak to people in Spanish…yes, it will never be perfect and I’ll always sound like an American when I speak it…I learned how to speak it here and anyone who is from here can see that in a second. I share their common verbs and expressions that are not taught in American high school Spanish classrooms. And this tends to earn me an ear and a level of respect from the people I converse with everyday (ex. bank tellers, supermarket cashiers, waiters/waitresses, or just people on the street).
I have also stopped being anxious about being here. I no longer feel as though I don’t belong and that I should be leaving. Yes, I came here because of my last relationship with a man, but I’m not staying for him. I’m now staying for me. It took me a LONG time to see that I too can find and make a “home” for myself here. That I don’t need to relocate in order to be happy and satisfied with my life here. It’s a big city of almost 6 million people and certainly diverse and cultural enough for me to stay!
For now, that’s still what I’m “about”…how to find happiness and contentment within oneself without feeling the need to relocate. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…if you can find happiness within yourself, then where you are is only geography!
How things have even changed since that last entry on my About page! Again, I was about 2 years younger and I was still living with my significant other who has since gone off to pursue his dreams…without me. It’s not a sad thing, though. He was just not happy anymore and since I had started to take it personal, I decided (or maybe we decided) that we both needed some time apart. I feel really bad about it, but I do not miss what our lives had become. I had turned into someone who was waiting for things to happen without realizing that my present was no longer as enjoyable as it used to be. I don’t even know when I lost that spark.
But it’s been over a month and I have regained my thirst to explore and discover new things and new places. I feel as though my head has come out of the clouds and I am quickly feeling as happy as I once did when my reason to get out of bed was not based on someone else. I do have an eight month old toy poodle who has certainly brought some energy into my life and who has reminded me how it feels to be loved unconditionlly. (anyone can get used to that!)
I just went away for the weekend to see some beautiful waterfalls located about 2 1/2 hours from me in Central Mexico. I am also looking forward to attending a concert in Mexico City next month along with one of the great museums there and visiting some tremendous ruins that have been recommended to me. These are not big things in life, but they were what I was missing while still in a relationship. Maybe I am incapable of satisfying myself while in a relationship…always waiting for my partner to want to join me in my adventures…when that is not always for everyone. No hard feelings.
Once, a super good friend of mine described my life as being like a speeding train and I was the driver…anyone want to jump on…the more the merrier…and once you can’t handle the speed and excitement, I can let you off at the next stop. No hard feelings…I can get you again next time I come around. I have not yet decided how accurate that analogy is. But who knows where my next stop will take me. xoxoxo!
I read this now to see that when I wrote this…for one, I was 2 years younger. I also see how much my life has changed in the last 2 years. Over a year ago, the man of my dreams finished his job in Cozumel and decided to move back home to Puebla, about 90 miles outside of Mexico City…to be close to his family again. At the time, I was fine with that since I had not been able to dive for over 6 months due to migraines. I was ready to move on with our lives and maybe move to some place that wasn’t so much of a shoe box…maybe a place that was more like the city where I grew up. So we did and we have been here for over a year where I teach English at the same private school that he attended as a child. I’ve decided that the thing that defines me as an adult is my ability to survive anywhere! (It does help, though, when you have the support of someone you know will always be in your corner.) Ciao for now…
I am a 37 year old woman from NYC who is continuously pursuing my dream while living down in Cozumel, Mexico with the man of my dreams! I moved here over 2 years ago when I decided to leave my life in NYC to see what it would be like to live in the Caribbean as a Scuba Diving instructor. I’m pretty happy I made that decision and while I’ve learned to overcome the obstacles that keep falling in my path, I know now that the universe would never deliver to me anything that I couldn’t handle!